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| by Porno Dave |
January 17, 2001
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| The Hollywood Sex Scene, "Porn Goes Mainstream…I Think Not!"
So here's where I start my rant about the nonsense of how porn is going mainstream. Oh sure, porn is getting seen more often on television shows, like the likes of "The Man Show" or "The X Show", but those are basically cable access shows with a budget.
And it might be mentioned on some entertainment news shows like "Entertainment Tonight" or "Access Hollywood", but it is still seen as a freak show and usually only during sweeps periods for television.
Hell, I think the only person who went from porn to mainstream and make a career of it, wasn't even a woman. It was Jim Carrey from Grinch & Ace Ventura fame that appeared as an extra in the original Stiff Competition porno.
Every once in awhile-porn starlets makes it into movies, but guess what they play when on the big screen. Asia Carrera plays a "porn star" on a background television screen that was hardly noticed at all in the very bad feature, The Big Lebowski from the Coen Brothers. Jenna Jameson plays "the nude girl" in a radio station for a couple of minutes in Howard Stern's movie Private Parts. Chasey Lain plays a "nude fantasy girl" in the horror feature, Tales From The Crypt - Demon Knight.
In the feature film produced from James Cameron titled Strange Days, porn star Kylie Ireland plays a "naked dream girl" in it. And don't even get me started on porn stars in music videos, cause music video producers make porn producers look like fucking saints!
Now I ask you. How many of you even saw or remember any of these girls in these features, let along think they made it into "legitimate acting." They all basically played themselves…naked porn stars. Oh I'll give you Jenna
credit of being recognized and remembered in the Private Parts feature, but she hasn't gone on to do the next Sophie's Choice.
Other than Traci Lords, who was underage when she did porno, ever got any significant parts in television or films. But until Traci wins an Oscar for any of her performances or gets asked to do a high profile McDonald's television commercial, she is still a "freak" element and only used for that purpose.
So what I've notice is not the significance of porn stars trying to cross over to mainstream, but mainstream, "legitimate" stars, crossing over to porn. I don't mean fucking in films, but wanting to be in that element of debauchery. Every time I attend a porn party, I can't stop running into stars of TV and screen like, Wesley Snipes, Drew Carey, film director Adam Rifkin, ex-child actor Cory Feldman, Shawn Wayons, Richard Dreyfuss, Herbie Hancock and so many others, that their publicists would have a shit fit if I mentioned their names and what they do to the girls.
So what you are reading now is the first issue of hopefully a monthly feature here, that will let you in on some of your favorite Hollywood actors, big time sports figures, and maybe mainstream music acts (although rock and rap groups fall under the porn category because they usually act hedonistic and later fall apart with no money or self respect to their name) that make that "crossover" to the porno culture side.
So sit back and enjoy. You might look at some of your favorite TV/Movie/Music stars in a different light.
First up: Porno Recognition Of the Month.
TV's Jeri Ryan, supermodel Stephanie Seymour, MTV VJ Daisy Fuentes, actresses Elle MacPherson and Heather Locklear. What do they all have in common. They were listed BELOW Jenna Jameson as "Sexiest Women Around" for FHM magazine. Jenna was voted one of the sexist women around and beating out many others.
FHM magazine quotes Jenna as saying she is considering having her breast implants removed because "they're tacky and unhealthy."
By the way. A little back info on sexy TV star Heather Locklear. She had called in one time on a local radio station to tell the DJ that if she was to be with a woman, it would be with adult film superstar Janine. Mmmm….now
that's a sight to fantasize about.
Cyber superstar Cindy Margolis loses her title of being Most Downloaded Woman on the Internet.
After a brief win by Cyber adult star Danni Ashe, beating out Margolis, now has to deal with the new reigning title holder is now lolita pop star queen, Brittany Spears.
We here at the Hollywood Sex Club, asked Miss Danni Ashe what she thought of her title being taken away so quickly from Miss Spears:
"Hi Dave,
What Yahoo Internet Life did was sidestep the whole "most downloaded" issue. They opted instead to declare Britney Spears the "most popular" woman online based on a media metrix report of search engine requests... I personally think the logic of this is flawed... Yes, indeed, Britney Spears is incredibly famous in the physical world and that explains why so many people would go to a search engine looking for her. But, someone who's truly famous online doesn't require a key word search - people already know where to find them!
No one needs to use a search engine to find Amazon or Salon - Just like most people don't need a search engine to find Danni.com. Clearly Yahoo Internet Life (which is not even run by Yahoo but by Ziff Davis) didn't want to wade through actual data in their search for a winner so they took an easy way out...
Cheers, Danni"
In other Brittany news, in a recent Playboy magazine article, it was mentioned that at the rate Brittany was going with her sexuality, in ten years, she'll become Jenna Jameson. Hell, we can't wait for Brittany to do some sloppy blowjobs.
Also, Miss Spears would like her fans to know that she now sports nipples rings. So keep on a lookout for some photos to soon surface on those babies.
Oh, and Brittany…you keep telling people you're still a virgin,…yeah…and Hitler was really actually very nice to the Jews.
Little known fact. Marilyn Manson's wife, Film actress and Scream star Rose
McGowan, was raised by an Italian sex cult.
Now that explains a lot.
Hot Things You Missed Out Watching:
Film actress and new "Charlie's Angel" Drew Barrymore, is known to strip spontaneously in local bars.
Another aspiring stripper, TV's "Beverly Hills 90210" star, Tori Spelling.
She was seen trying to strip at local DeJaVu strip club in North Hollywood, California. Local cable access TV show, Talking Blue TV, was there filming for a feature at the club, and was caught taping her "bump and grind" performance. They were told they could stay but had to stop taping. Miss Spelling never actually took off any clothes for her performance, but did give a very hold pole workout.
We see a possible new future career for the Spelling mogul.
Film actress Darrel Hannah, got into character for her new film, "Dancing at the Blue Iguana", by showing up to various strip clubs and jumping on stage and stripping to topless ness.
God, we keep missing out!
Pop star queen Christina Aguilera was seen at a strip club with American Pie costar Shannon Elizabeth getting lap dances.
At Cheetah's in Atlanta Georgia, Christina was caught getting something more than "What A Girl Wants". She tried to deny it, but then ousted herself when she said members of the Backstreet Boys were also there, and why didn't the press bug them about it.
Well Christina. Because they are guys and that's what guys do. Hang out in strip clubs. But you are a hot chick, UNDERAGE in a strip club that serves liquor. THAT'S WHY!
In a recent interview with Burt Reynolds, star of 70's favorite Smokey and
the Bandit and the highly acclaimed Boogie Nights was asked if he researched for his role on Boogie Nights and did he go to any porno sets.
He had this to say, "Yeah, it's depressing.
I knew some directors in that business, if you can call them that, guys who just turned left at the hard-on. They're never going to get out of it and the illusion that they will is a great tragedy. I knew this one director who was always saying, "I'm gonna get my shot, I'm gonna get my shot." And I'm thinking, "You poor guy,
do you really think Speilberg's going to get sick one day and they're going to call you?"
Want to know who that porn director was…stay tuned.
Trey Parker (South Park creator) was seen recently at a local Spearmint Rhino strip club getting lap dances while waiting to see adult film star Jill Kelly perform.
Sure looked like a wet spot forming on his pants. Oops!
President Bill Clinton was offered a job at the Hollywood censorship entity,
the MPAA for $1,000,000 a year. He was asked to take over Jack Velenti's job.
They would have a lot in common to talk about, especially about getting their
dicks sucked by interns. It was recently revealed in a recent Hustler
magazine article that Valenti, a married man, would get oral favors from some
interns at the MPAA, at least women coming by for donations for various media
causes.
So this is the guy who says we can't watch South Park - The Movie, but can coerce girls to blow him. What a dick!
Lesbo Twins Are The New Rage. The Costello Twins, Mandy and Sandy from Playboy, Hef's ex-girlfriends, are now regulars on the Man Show on cable TV. And now it is heard from employees at adult video company, Vivid Video, that they have signed twins to be in their future video features.
Rumor has, it is the twins who have made a recent appearance in Penthouse magazine that shows them doing things sisters aren't normally supposed to do with each other.
When publicist from Vivid Video, Brian Gross was asked about the new contract girls, his response was, "I can't comment on that at the moment". Three weeks later, Brian Gross was let go from Vivid Video.
Things that make you go Mmmmm….What's next at Vivid, a mother and son team…
BIG NEWS: Herpes cures cancer. Researchers at the University of Glasgow in
Scotland injected the herpes simplex virus - a strain that commonly cause
cold sores - into nine patients possessing untreatable brain cancer. Of the
nine patients given only months to live, four of the injectees are still
bragging about having VD for over three years now! And none of the subjects
any adverse reactions, like sores appearing on their genitals and such.
Also, in other related news. A brief news story on the network TV news
outlet, Channel 9 KCAL News, was announce and then killed as if it was never
mentioned.
The TV news station leaked out that a vaccine for Herpes was finally
developed and would prevent the cause of herpes if taken by young girls
before they hit puberty.
It was a cure for women only but I found to be the
biggest news event this decade, but the TV media stopped taking about it,
because of religious groups not wanting people to have more illicit sex, now
that a cure was found. Also, rumor has it, a lot of drug manufacturers
weren't to happy about the find either. We'll keep you posted on this story.
Some people really are Freaks. Marilyn Manson likes to stuff Bible pages in a
groupie's vagina and then piss on her, as so said in a recent FHM magazine
article.
Maybe he should hook up with porn star Kendra Jade.
In the same issue, Billy Bob Thornton lets us know that his wife, future Tomb
Raider chick, Angelina Jolie has his name tattooed on her pussy. He also told
about his proposition for a ménage a trio with a guy buddy and a dog.
Now that explains everything.
What major porn star is telling friends she got to be the one to suck off
radio personality, Howard Stern? Actually, it's probably lots of porn stars
now that are saying that, but this one actually has been on the show and
won't talk about it yet. She won't tell us if it was before or after the
break up with Allison Stern, his ex-wife.
News of the deteriorating marriage goes all the way back to the movie
premiere for Jackie Chan's film, Rumble In The Bronx…YEARS before his announcement of his pending divorce.
At the premiere, a mutual friend of Stern's was heard saying, Stern was saying to his friends, the marriage was over and he had an arrangement with his wife.
I'm still waiting for that porn chick to come clean.
Some stars just don't get it. Jeremy Piven, star of hit TV sitcom "Ellen" and
movies, was telling in a recent interview that when working on the film Very
Bad Things, while working with Carla Scott a.k.a. porn star Kobe Tai, said:
"I don't have a high reference level to porn, although I'm willing to learn,
so I didn't know who she was.
So she's standing naked in a front of a bunch
of guys, and I kept trying to put her robe on her between takes and she kept
throwing it away because she was more comfortable naked. It was very strange until someone said, "Hey man, she's a porn star." And there I was trying to
cover her up."
Idiot!
A new definition for Water Sports. At a recent party for Shaquille O'Neal,
porn star Houston was hanging out at the party and someone at the party decided to have a "Best Thong" contest. Not missing a beat, Houston got up, got completely naked and jumped in the pool. All the guys were seen throwing
money at her in the pool.
What I want to know is how much money she made from those guys throwing in
money to her.
One of the dancers at Las Vegas's swanking nude nightclub, Club Paradise,
reports that she has given lap dances to some of Hollywood's most popular
celebrities. Some of her "clients" have been, Charlie Sheen (no-brainer
there) John Stamos and his wife Rebecca Romijn Stamos (very kinky couple) and
Gwyneth Paltrow.
Gwyneth Paltrow!!! She was just seen recently on TV saying how degrading
strippers were and she gets lap dances from them! Sigh.
If you are a neighbor of Alyssa Milano, she is known to walk around topless
in her garden.
We're not saying go spy on her, but if you live next door, you may get a very
hot show.
Please send all photos here to be posted. Just kidding Alyssa!
Oh yeah, and ex-porn star, new wrestling punching bag, Jasmin St. Claire is
in another issue of World Of Wrestling magazine. Like it's initials…WOW! That was sarcasm.
And that's it this month for Hollywood Sex Scene. Keep checking back for even
more outrageousness and whatever else we can find on these people. Until next
time…we're watching you.
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